someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
