I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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