I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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