Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
