I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
