I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
