If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
