am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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