One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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