Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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