That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my poor anus
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
