Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
