A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
