I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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