Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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