what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
