If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
