you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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