first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
