I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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