Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
