brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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