hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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