Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
FUCK WHALES
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
