bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
