New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
