i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Four minutes until I can fart!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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