I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
