in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
