Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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