It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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