It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
