But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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