Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
