You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize