legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
