I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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