Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
