Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
