Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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