It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
