I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
