The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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