He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
