12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
