she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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