Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize