god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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