the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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