You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
