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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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