check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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