you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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