She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
