Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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