I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
