You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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