Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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