she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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