I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
