I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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