I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
