The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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