plz talk dirty to me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
