He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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