You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
