I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ttyl tear gas
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
