she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
did i walk over a car last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
