he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize