Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
