Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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