Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
