My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
