Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
