I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize